My Favourite Instagram Posts of 2017 || @charcoal_blush

We're saying goodbye to 2017 tonight, so I'll do it with some old-fashioned self-promo. Below are my ten favourite Instagram posts I made over 2017 (follow me at @charcoal_blush). I love either the image, caption, or a mix of both! Enjoy :)

But be prepared. I talk a lot....

Let's run through this image. The one with the strongest lingering connection to this home after the revival is Rory Gilmore. She's the first and only person who is able to see its value. She likely doesn't want to hold onto it, but she wants to hold onto the sanctuary it gives her, even if it's just a jumpback into the past. It's interesting, in that Lorelai never felt the connection because it's associated with negative memories, Emily resents the positive memories when it's tied to grief and begins to see Lorelai's POV and only Rory can see it from a lens which pays homage to Richard Gilmore, without letting it break her down, instead taking power from it. She knows the walls in that home hold many secrets, many fights which initially tore her family apart. And that in itself makes it clear why it can't be forever. But she gets to say goodbye. After a lot of time in flux, a lot of confusion where she's at, she gets to relax - no expectations, no hovering eyes, no promises it'll be here forever but a chance to experience its history and draw on that to tell her story. All shots I selected share a similar frame, but they don't hold the same feeling. In all comparisons, Rory is the one in control, the one not feeling lost and trapped. Full circles take different forms. Sometimes they're nothing special. But it can mean more, and when it does, it can create an electrifying feeling, one you just want to hold on to. I'm holding onto this one.
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I found this quote really recently, or some variation of it, but for the life of me, it's completely untraceable and I have no way to backtrack and rediscover it. Nevertheless, I want to talk about it. The people I interact with, and myself - we talk a lot about how our biggest regrets would be the chances we did not take. Or it'll be that occasional feeling of: I want to live in *that* moment, seven years ago when everything was normal. Heck, for me that's CHILDHOOD. How often do you reckon our childhood is rosier in memory than it was when we lived it? Sometimes, I crave that time when I didn't need to be responsible in any way - where my responsibility was to actually fall asleep when our preschool had naptime. The fact I used to get in trouble for not being able to sleep feels so inconsequential now, like 'I wish people would tell me off now for not sleeping enough' but when I was that age, I was genuinely angry they got mad at me for it. Excuse me for not being able to sleep in foreign territory, surrounded by other kids, without my parents around. I used to feel guilty for not doing what I'm supposed to. And for real. How is that any different to how I feel now? How is it different to me not scoring jobs when everyone else is? I'm not living up to people's expectations of me in both respects, but nostalgia has tainted me. This turned out way more negative than I intended, oops. #thegoodlife #tgwloverblogs
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Before I get into it, I just wanna say this is likely Rory's least articulate quotes, but it's also one of her most important. She's not speaking to impress an audience. She's addressing an issue which has plagued her for years, and Rory isn't dressing up her words. I think it's one of the best moments of the series. From a personal view, I've mentioned seeing myself in Rory but I've not talked about it in context of this. I was told last year by a friend of mine that the partner they believe I'm looking for someone who can show me the world. I've mentioned that I definitely live in a bubble, or a well (ala #MaosLastDancer), but until that conversation, I didn't realise I had *never* wanted that. I love watching the wild adventures in romantic comedies, the spontaneous, unaffordable trips to stunning cities. I love the idea of immersing into a new culture, meeting people and being more flexible about who I am. Travel is definitely something I want. But I also don't think I could ever be open to having someone show me the world. My entire life is dictated by other people's rules, and travel has been the only avenue in which it's actually felt like *my* life. I can't imagine giving someone else that power. Maybe love changes things. But I'm not there. So my truth is rooted in the fact that the world is something I want to view on my own terms.
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There's no special reason this is the day I'm writing this. I put a trigger warning notice on the side of this picture, but in all honesty, I'm not sure I have the guts to say what I wanted to in this moment - just be wary. I filmed something last night - super raw and full of admissions I never really declared to anyone, but I don't feel comfortable enough to speak it. So I'm retreating into the best way I know how to express myself. Let me just start this by talking about the marriage equality postal survey I've been mentioning endlessly. It's officially happening. The High Court ended the last attempt to put this display of hateful rhetoric to rest. So, here goes. #VoteYes. Y'all know I've been mad about this a lot, and that I care so much about it, but what I've not stated is that it's been a sting to me personally. I've never discussed my sexuality - not in real life, not online. It's always been my business, my story and honestly had nothing to do with anything - especially because I haven't been in a relationship and marriage is never something I valued. I'm not straight. And this fucking survey just makes me want to speak out. It's been barely a few months since this monstrous plan became more than the pipe dream of a PM scared of losing his leadership position. But, it feels like a fucking eternity. I love social media. But I wake up each day, hearing people defend the 'no' vote - people who declare that they hate being discriminated against because of that, and I have no empathy to give. Because I'm mad. Because I'm too busy feeling hurt that people seriously think my right to marry is dependent on the sex of my partner - people who demand empathy and unity while not giving an inch. So you know what? Fuck your 'concerns'. Fuck it. (This wasn't only intended caption...)
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I don't know if I've shared this little anecdote, but I tend to share a lot on here, it's statistically more likely I've said this once. But it's okay. This one bears repeating. I was given one piece of advice this year. "Be patient with yourself." Admittedly, this was in context with developing technical skills, but it's a lesson I'm learning over and over this year. I've always been frustrated with myself for being behind the curve, seemingly a step behind - but sometimes miles away from where I want to be. Literally being miles away from home for a few weeks gave me that much-needed change of perspective. Suddenly, patience with how I learn and cope started to make sense to me. Spending time away from home kept me away from all the external events out of my life that I want to handle, but can't because it's not all my responsibility. It kept me away from that feeling of frustration of entrusting others. It was about me. And because it was about me, taking things slowly and being a few steps behind didn't feel like a problem. It felt normal. I always thought I improved in that area - that I had gotten better at being understanding towards myself, and I had. I just never knew how much more there was to it. It wasn't until it stopped being about everything and everyone else, that I could really relish that lesson and actually live it. I got that feeling, temporary for now, but I don't ever want to let it go. #thegoodlife #reflection #tgwloverblogs
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I think one thing many of us battle in modern day society is the fear of losing our humanity. I think the world has taken a massive shift in recent months, and likely even longer - that the need to shut down and recuperate in peace seems the ultimate source of relief. I think I'm scared of becoming apathetic. I'm scared that I'm getting used to the rhetoric becoming less insightful, the standard of common courtesy dropping several levels - that I expect less, that I've lost sight of what needs to be focused on. I talk about this in a variety of contexts - American politics for one, but also the vitriol hurled at people like Yassmin Abdel-Magied, non-apologies issued by The Daily Telegraph for homophobic content, etc. The state of US politics right now has a ripple effect. Suddenly, universal healthcare seems like a privilege, not a right. Suddenly, someone not willing to let patriotism sugarcoat an accurate history of colonisation/invasion is grounds to spout venomous death threats. These issues aren't partisan anymore. It's a gradual degradation of what it means to be human, justified poorly by bullshit about caring about specific policies. It's a confusing time to live, because you want to provide people with respect they will not return, but you also want to acknowledge the bigger issues - actual policy - without inciting a terrifying reaction. It's scary how eight months has completely changed the landscape of conversation. It's scary seeing how issues can't be discussed because a select few have manipulated the truth to look like a 'witch hunt'.
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I'm gonna do a little chatter post. I love the freedom that's coming with my internship right now. I love not feeling like I'm on watch, like I have to justify and explain myself every time I go outside. I love not having to deal with things that seem out of control. I'm currently sitting my motel room, and although it's nothing fancy - I'm just glad to be here. I've been overwhelmed by the quietness of small towns, learnt what winter really feels like, but in essence, I'm totally surprised by the sheer friendliness - whether it be in the motel, at work, shop assistants, and I honestly cannot deal. It's kinda just incredible. In some ways, I still feel to city oriented to fit in a small town with only one main street, a Target with the word 'country' attached, without cinemas or even shops which open past 5pm on a Sunday night. I love city life in all its materialistic glory. But there is something really refreshing about this world. It's not quite Stars Hollow, but that's probably a good thing. I'm not quirky or patient enough for that. I guess time will tell what decisions I make based on the next few weeksr
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